CALEDONIAN COMMENT

Thousands of people have made a pilgrimage to a restaurant in northern Nigeria to view pieces of meat ( example above )  which are said to be inscribed with the names of Allah and the prophet Mohammad. The owner of a diner in Birnin Kebbi claimed the Arabic words for Allah and Mohammad were discovered on a gristle when a customer was eating. Mr Kabiru Haliru, who has kept the pieces for visitors to see, said a search of the meat in the kitchen revealed three more pieces with the names. He told local newspaper Weekly Trust : ’When the writings were discovered there were some Islamic scholars who come and eat here and they all commented that it was a sign to show that Islam is the only true religion for mankind. Yeah sure - although it might make the diners feel better as they get food poisoning after eating greenish meat . But what an incredible coincidence, because only this morning I was preparing some beans on toast . When I opened the tin of beans, 12 of the beans stuck to the underside of the tin lid - the same number as the number of disciples Jesus had . Another miracle . Just a pity a Priest wasn’t present to confirm that Christianity is the only true religion for mankind . Luckily however a psychiatrist was on hand to confirm my clinical insanity . 

And while we’re on the subject, the Church of England’s Lambeth Conference, where its senior Bishops get together, continues . And they have guests from other faiths . Yesterday a Vatican official described the turmoil in the Anglican Communion as “spiritual Alzheimer’s” and “ecclesiastical Parkinson’s”. This damning verdict came from guest Cardinal Ivan Dias ( above ), prefect of the Congregation for the Evangelisation of Peoples, who is the most senior Catholic delegate invited to the Conference . Now I don’t know enough about the arguments within the Church of England to comment on its internal troubles, but do note the insufferable arrogance of this Roman Catholic’s remarks . Perhaps the learned Cardinal might be better employed rooting out the paedophiles employed within his own church . And he might desist from making references to diseases that science is trying to eradicate, even if the Vatican is intent on seeing them spread through its opposition to medical research .

While we’re on about African religious and superstitious nutters, spare a thought for albinos like the lady pictured above in Tanzania . In that country albino men, women and children are currently being killed and mutilated after witch doctors advised the general public that possession of albino skin and body parts was  ”an aid to getting rich quick” . Over 25 albinos have been killed in 3 months and the practice is now reportedly spreading to Kenya and the Congo . It will be interesting to see how New Labour reacts to this if and when it spreads to Birmingham or Manchester . I wonder if anyone who condemns it will be called a racist ? Surely even Gordon Brown isn’t that stupid ? Then again …………………….

Meet Mr Ian Margetts ( pictured above ) . A man in the finest tradition of the British suburban hero . Mr Margetts, of Cleckheaton, West Yorkshire got really fed up recently with his local Council when it failed to collect his garbage 2 weeks running . First, he called the council to complain. Then, after being left hanging in an automated call handling system and unable to air his grievance, he showed he was not a man to be messed with - by emptying the contents of his wheelie bin in the town hall. The father of two dragged the full bin along on the 10-minute walk from his home to the council headquarters in Cleckheaton , before upending it and scattering its contents across the foyer floor . An action most people could understand . And how have the authorities reacted ? First, Mr Margetts was fined £475 for his protest . Second, the local council have REDUCED the regularity of garbage collections . A council in the finest tradition of British Local Government non-service .

And the politically correct nonsense emanating from local councils goes on unabated . Meet Betty Robinson, 82, and Brenda Bennett, 69 ( pictured above ), of Southampton, UK . By the looks of them a real pair of arch-criminals, eh ? A council has apologised to them after one of its workers reprimanded the ladies for photographing a deserted paddling pool over fears about paedophiles. Southampton City Council said it was trying to strike a balance between protecting children who use the pool, the fear of paedophiles taking photographs and the community as a whole. Perhaps this council might remind its workers that they are supposed to be public servants, not mini-Hitlers “reprimanding” people who pay their salaries . And why is this “worker” not being fired for assuming that 2 harmless female pensioners photographing a deserted pool were paedophiles ? But then again, with that lack of common sense the “worker” concerned will probably achieve rapid promotion .

Former NASA astronaut Dr Edgar Mitchell ( pictured above ), a member of the Apollo 14 moon mission, has said during a recent radio interview that Aliens DO exist - and that he’s aware of several “close encounters” over the last 60 years that governments have covered up . Dr Mitchell went on to say that the Alien technology was way ahead of ours and had they been hostile, “we would have been gone by now” . A NASA spokesman reacted by saying : “Dr Mitchell is a great American, but we do not share his opinions on this issue” . So there you have it folks - either Dr Mitchell is hallucinating, or a government agency is lying . Take your pick . The truth is out there .

The above photograph shows a herd of red deer cooling off . You might think the scene is from somewhere in Africa, but it’s actually Richmond Park in London yesterday . The herd took to the water as temperatures reached 28 degrees . Very few times in the 400 year history of the herd have they done this, but with the heat predicted to rise to 30 degrees by Friday doubtless Al Gore will be watching with interest !

Arrested war crimes fugitive Radovan Karadzic ( pictured above left ) grew a long, white beard to conceal his identity and practised alternative medicine while in hiding . The former Bosnian Serb wartime leader Radovan Karadzic ( pictured above right ) was a different proposition . And now he’s on his way to the UN War Crimes Court in the Hague . The notion of former political leaders who start aggressive wars and breach human rights, then change their jobs and appearances in order to avoid justice is an interesting one . I wonder what George W Bush and Tony Blair will be working at and what they will look like in 10 years or so ?  

UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown has been in a few sticky situations recently . But he got an unexpected sticky moment when he met Mr Dan Glass ( pictured above ) at a reception at 10 Downing Street yesterday . Mr Glass is a member of the climate change pressure group “Plane Stupid” . And to make his point he tried to superglue his left hand to Brown’s jacket sleeve as they were shaking hands ! After that failed, Mr Glass was ( unbelievably ) permitted to stay at the reception for a further 40 minutes before being asked to leave, whereupon he tried to superglue himself to the railings outside 10 Downing Street and failed at that too . Now all this begs 2 questions - first, why was a prat like Mr Glass invited to Downing Street in the first place? And second, in view of the demonstrable incompetence and failure displayed by Mr Glass, how soon before Gormless Gord offers him a job ? 

It has been revealed that Tony Blair’s “farewell tour” as UK Prime Minister, including his visit to the Vatican to pave the way with Pope Benedict XVI for his cynical conversion to Roman Catholicism ( pictured above ) , cost the UK taxpayer over £750,000 . Government figures released yesterday showed a disgraceful catalogue of wasteful vanity as Blair used the trip to ease his way to new job openings, meaningless photo opportunities and as an arrogant means of assauging his fetish for Roman Catholicism ( or at least his wife’s ) . The UK Audit Commission should instruct government lawyers to claim the money back from this charlatan, who is well able to afford to refund the cost of this self-indulgent vanity tour - after all as he seems to have found the knack of securing a succession of highly paid opportunities to display his incompetence and failure . 

Mr Mervyn King, the Governor of the Bank of England ( pictured above ) , said yesterday that “UK banks should put billions of pounds into a fund over the next 10 years to compensate customers in case a bank collapses” . Very good idea Mervyn - but can I rephrase your statement please ? What you really meant was that UK banks will rip off their customers even more over the next 10 years to put billions into such a fund. So that like the present, we will be paying for the banks’ greed and incompetence . Same old, same old .

The news seems to be a lot more interesting in the US than in the UK . A newsreader has been charged with hacking into his glamorous co-presenter’s emails and leaking to them to the Press. Larry Mendte, 51 ( above left ), is accused of trying to ruin Alycia Lane’s  ( above right ) career. Insiders said Mendte and Miss Lane, 34, appeared friendly on camera, but actually loathed each other. The older journalist was said to be jealous of Miss Lane’s $600,000-a-year salary  - $75,000 more than he was paid for their evening news bulletin on the CBS KYW-TV station  in Philadelphia. Larry has now been sacked over the incident and Alycia has gone too after a “drunken bust-up with a female New York police officer ” . Can’t wait to see ITV’s News at Ten anchor man Trevor MacDonald reveal Julie Etchingham’s e-mails - if old Trevor can actually work a computer !

Readers will recall that recently we featured a report that UK police dogs would have to wear bootees ( above ) before being used as sniffer dogs in Muslim houses and Mosques for fear of offending Islam . But that’s not all folks ! Now human rights campaigners in the UK are demanding that before police dogs can be set on ANY criminal, the suspect must be given a warning “in case they are frightened or allergic to dog hair” . Draft guidelines are now being prepared for police forces to ensure that suspects “are not offended” by police dogs . You couldn’t make it bloody up, could you ?

Pictured above is a sculpture of what looks like Elvis Presley . It is in fact a Roman architectural ornament made about 1,800 years ago . It’s being sold at auction soon in London so the auctioneers Bonhams can expect a real mixed selection of Elvis nutters at that sale ! Maybe the King ( or should I say Caesar ) will turn up himself .

UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown addressed the Knesset yesterday ( picture above ) . The Israeli parliament heard a turgid diatribe from Gormless Gord, where he started by boring them stiff with tales of his youth, including twinkling asides about his Father’s obsession with Jerusalem, then reassured them that “he was a friend”, then condemned Iran’s President for threatening to destroy Israel, then told his hosts to stop building settlements . He was apparently subjected to some heckling and a limited walkout. Groups of Israeli schoolchildren were listening to the speech and its electrifying effect on them can be gauged by looking at the photo below : - 

After this debacle Gormless Gord then visited Palestinian leaders and pledged “further financial support” for them . How considerate of him when his own country is currently in economic meltdown . And as for offering Israel military assistance in the event of an Iranian attack, that pledge might be more believable if our troops in Afghanistan weren’t being forced to not only steal equipment from American forces to survive, but probably also pinch gear from the Taleban to make ends meet . The sooner this puerile joke Brown gets off both the UK and the world stages the better . 

The are reportedly nearly 267,000 heroin and crack users ( above ) in the UK who are claiming state benefits. A new government initiative announced yesterday will introduce legislation to “force them to admit to their drug problem and undergo treatment” . Otherwise they will have their state benefits withdrawn . A scenario which begs the question - why are we paying state benefits to these useless purveyors of crime, prostitution and disease in the first place ?

The geriatric racist murderer and Zimbabwean “President” Robert Mugabe ( pictured above ) has reportedly signed a deal on behalf of his Nazi-style ZANU-PF party to lay down a framework for formal talks with the MDC, the party of his electoral rival Morgan Tsvangirai . How difficult these talks will be can be gauged by Mugabe’s remarks at the meeting announcing this framework, where he accused the opposition MDC party of “causing the bloodshed that took place prior to the recent election run-off”. Yeah sure Robert . But in fairness you’re not quite as stupid as you seem . Luring the MDC into talks legitimises your corrupt regime and Mr Tsvangirai may come to regret his decision to take part .  

The issues of race and hatred are by no means restricted to places like Zimbabwe . The above picture shows a scene on a beach at Torregaveta, north of Naples, Italy . On beaches like this Roma gypsies regularly send their kids out to beg, a practice amongst others which reportedly causes annoyance and hostility on the part of native Italians . But as can be seen from the photo, taken after 2 of the Roma kids were drowned after being caught in rough seas, indifference to even tragic deaths, with people continuing to sunbathe yards away from the bodies, seems to be the order of the day . Now political correctness which would permit any kind of multi-cultural excess is bad - at the other end of the spectrum, raw race hatred is equally bad . But studied indifference like that displayed here is the most dangerous of all, because it’s that kind of uncaring blinkered mentality that looks the other way when the cattle trucks roll towards camps .

In the US city of Flint, Michigan, the Police Chief David Dicks is reportedly continuing his “crackdown on saggy pants” ( example above ) . According to Officer Dicks, such clothing may be a fashion statement for young men but is also a crime, because it’s a “breach of the city’s disorderly conduct regulations” with a possible fine of up to $500 and/or 93 days in jail !  The wearer will, according to this zealous officer, also be liable to be searched for weapons or drugs . “Bare buttocks are indecent exposure” says Officer Dicks, who quite frankly seems to have a hang-up about sagging that rather disturbingly suits his name .

The Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams ( pictured above ), at the start of the Church of England’s Lambeth Conference, told 650 Bishops yesterday that “their orders should take in everyone and anyone regardless of sexual orientation” . Now far be it from me to question the idealogues within the higher echelons of the Church of England, but I would like to ask Dr Williams some questions. How will his supportive stance for gays be received by his new Muslim friends, the ones on whose behalf he’s advocating the introduction of Sharia Law in the UK ? And when these new friends start to apply that Sharia Law to hang or stone to death “everyone and anyone”  who is gay, what happens ? Or will we all be attending the Mosque every Friday by then anyway ?

The 137th Open Golf Championship at Royal Birkdale was an awesome 4 days, featuring perhaps the toughest test of links golf in living memory . And at the end of a thrilling tournament Ireland’s Padraig Harrington ( above ) won the claret jug for the second year in a row, to elevate himself deservedly to the status of a golfing great . Roll on Turnberry 2009 !

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